We have all experienced the pain of betrayal from another, yet over the course of our adult life the most painful and costly betrayal comes from betraying ourselves.
Now you may be wondering what the heck I am talking about: What is self-betrayal? Self-betrayal is, in a nutshell, when we turn our back against our own Soul and Ego and don’t listen to our own voice of inner wisdom. It is when we push down those gut level warning signals or that bell that rings inside telling us to pay attention– something is not right.
Yes, you and I each have that inner voice of guidance that when we slow down long enough and get quiet with ourselves will reveal what we need to know. Too often that voice has been silenced for far too long and so it takes some time to re-connect with it. Yet, it is the only way through and out of the circumstances we wish to change.
Before we go on any further is important to note that this is not about blaming ourselves but rather becoming aware of what lies beneath whatever is not working in our lives, whether in the physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, or relational realm. You are more than likely aware of some ways in which you betray yourself, but you may be blind to other ways – hence why they are called your “blind spots”.
Self-betrayal looks like:
- putting everyone else’s needs in front of your own
- saying Yes and really meaning No
- not keeping your word to Yourself
- doing one more thing on your never ending To Do list instead of listening to your body that is screaming out of fatigue to stop
- lack of self care
- spending more money than you can comfortably afford
- not having healthy boundaries
- letting your inner self-critic go on endlessly
- not trusting yourself or being overly trusting of others before they have earned that trust
- giving your power away to another
- passing in front of a mirror and putting yourself down
- not speaking up or standing up for yourself
- knowingly commit to social activities or things that will not nourish you
- denying or suppressing your feelings, never letting yourself feel them
- making yourself responsible for someone else’s happiness
- withdrawing rather than engaging with life
- playing small instead of letting yourself shine
and the list could go on and on…however you get the picture.
Self-betrayal sounds like:
- what will “they think” – the neighbours, the co-workers, the family, circle of friends
- they will be so “disappointed or mad or (insert the word that applies to you)” with me
- “I am not enough” – not smart enough, not good enough, not educated enough…
- “I have no support” – I am all alone
- “the only way to be safe is to be quiet and not get noticed”
- “my family has never done it that way” or “my family won’t allow that”
- “my culture frowns upon that”– I cannot do it differently
- “I will be punished by…” a higher power if I don’t….
Self-Betrayal leaves you feeling:
- disappointed in yourself
- sad and sometimes even depressed if the betrayal goes on for too long
- less than others
- all alone.
The costs of self-betrayal are many. They vary with each person, yet there are commonalities such as:
- financial hardships
- low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence and self-trust
- finding oneself physically depleted, lacking energy and motivation
- spiritually lost –wondering if this is this all there is to life; there has got to be more than this physical reality…
- relationships that are struggling and unfulfilling
- stuck in a job that doesn’t fulfill you, where your gifts and talents are not being allowed to shine.
The costs of self betrayal often appear inconsequential in the moment, yet repeated over and over, they not only bring about negative results but can lead to devastating outcomes. The longer you wait to stop the self-betrayal the greater the course correction needed.
I like to remind myself of what the wise Dr. Maya Angelou said: “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
Now you might be feeling somewhat discouraged as you recognize yourself in some of the behaviours and feelings mentioned, but do not despair. Know that… we all self-betray at different times, for different reasons. Learning to honor ourselves, to become our authentic selves, and live from that place is part of our apprenticeship here on earth. It is one of life’s major lessons. Remember – You are not behind, and it is not too late. You are exactly where you are meant to be.
Be gentle with yourself and press pause. Grab a cup of your favourite warm beverage and spend a little time self-assessing. What is the one thing or one area of your life where you detect some self-betrayal? What change do you want to bring about? Choose something small and manageable to start with. Get a win or two under your belt.
You do not need to be alone. Support is a click away.
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Lynette guides and supports smart hardworking women who, despite their efforts, feel trapped and unfulfilled, always striving but never quite achieving their desired changes. Her approach blends both analytical/logical (left brain) and creative/intuitive (right brain) perspectives and processes, allowing for tangible concrete results.
Drawing from over 16 years of dedicated spiritual exploration; learning from diverse programs, and achieving international accreditation in Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) – Lynette offers a practical framework for empowerment. Visit https://transformationstartswithin.com/acknowledgements-references/ to learn more within Acknowledgements and References.